I had some really intense moments of tripping right now where I was just holding my phone in the air and looking at the branches across my eyes where Patrick Bateman stands. And I was like, these. These experiences are nothing but like just the sensation that they're making me feel. I can reduce that physical sensation down to a place in my body which is feeling that sensation. I don't know what my body is here. And I can do it for like almost all my muscles if I pay attention to them and notice that they are just forces against external stimuluses. And that's the whole problem. I don't know what I is and what external is. Wow, dude. It just leaves you speechless every time. Ha. And I'm trying to do the same thing with my eyes and trying to convince myself that the images that I'm seeing are nothing but just a sensation of the external reverses to myself my being. It's just a screen and interface and that it's just a sensation like any other sensation. And then it's. Then I. What is the I here? Who? I guess I'm back to that. The original question. Wow. But this is crazy, man. Okay, I have to try my best to put this into words, but maybe after a little break.
I like this perspective of thinking of your body or yourself as a household, where you think more of yourself as a small percentage of what constitutes the nation. And it's exactly what it is, as you do as an individual. But I don't know, just helps me think about it better. You are allowed to spend X dollars on making sure that infrastructure is nice and healthy and clean and has whatever it needs to grow and develop. So I don't think I should be refraining from, like, spending those that that much, that amount of money for that basic infrastructure. And I think I should probably properly budget that out. That includes both, like, strict meal planning. Like, right now, what we have is, like, it's unorganized to say the best. And also cleaning. I don't know, maybe that's just me being high right now, but everything just feels dirty.
It is sometimes astounding to forget your biological life and evolution as it stands in comparison to your, you know, cultural life and evolution. Like it's so easy to forget that you're just a primate who's just reacting to stimulus and might just like, who knows, react how in another, like, extraordinary circumstance. Not just metaphysical in nature, just very real world physical things that could happen. You don't know how they're going to react. We still haven't studied a lot of like, those edge cases.
I feel like making trip playlists is. It's too turbulent. I need more of an emotional playlist rather than a music playlist. Like, I get the ambient, active listening periods, but that's not enough. It's a sudden more change from song to song altogether. I think they need to be structured more like albums from the future.
Egan’s books have this great property where as soon as you think you have a grip on the scope of the book, he zooms out and introduces another level of abstraction and pushes the idea further than you thought possible. Sometimes he gives you a moment to breath as you take it in before he shoves another mindblower your way.
