It's kind of funny now that I think back at it, (A) didn't make its presence known if I didn't sit down and think (or was alone), I remember being happy every time I found him, knowing that it was the real me, like a old friend. Even though (B) might have been a better person (more social, happy, without sadness etc) I wanted to get back to (A), a person that I had known for 21 years and with the full spectrum of emotions

The 'filter'-effect feeling is disturbing after a while, I knew that 'this was not the way to react', 'I should not be smiling now' or 'why the fu*k am I happy?' but I could not help but feel ok or sometimes really happy. I don't know if this applies to a normal (not depressed, apatheic or sad) person. I was depressed and it was like the depressive thoughts was still there inside me, hanging on, not wanting to let go, but Zoloft put a barrier around it, preventing it from 'growing' and eventually it withered away. Kind of like a dual personality in some way, one inside (A) with the depression acting only in thought and one around (B) connected to the outside with thought and control over the body. Don't get me wrong here, it was not like schizophrenia, these two were both me, knew the same things, overlapping each other on different layers (hard to describe, maybe like (A) being the kernel/operating system and (B) an application/firewall). They worked together, but (B) refused to do or think anything negative that (A) suggested. (B) had a LOT more priority over thought too. But the real ´me´ was (A). Without zoloft (B) was gone and (A) could take full control again.